Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
