Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
