also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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