I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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