I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
