come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
