i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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