she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
