You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
