She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
