I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had to coat check the pizza.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
