I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
