I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
