I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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