this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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