that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
