Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
