i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
