Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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