I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
