a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
