you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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