There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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