No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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