I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
