...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
