so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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