cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
