She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
