I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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