dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
