p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
