Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
