Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
