im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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