Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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