I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
