I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
