I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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