I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
