This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
