I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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