Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
