I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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