fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
