she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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