Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
