Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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