So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
