Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
