I didn't shave. On purpose
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
