So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
