hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
