note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
