i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
