The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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